Simply Lonely
by DarklyDreaming88
Summary: In depth look at Daryl and his past, and his and Beth's time together. Rated M but its not too bad just precautionary mostly. Adult themes suggested but not described in details.


**Hello, this is just a little something I wanted to write down. I really want to know things about Daryl's past that we haven't learned yet. I especially want to know why he seems to have no sexual desires at all. It will probably be one or two more chapters. I'm waiting for the Mid-season finale to write it though. **

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><p><strong>Simply Lonely<strong>

**"_It was that night I discovered that most things you consider evil or wicked are simply lonely, and lacking in the social niceties." –Edward Bloom (Big Fish)_**

When you first set your eyes on Daryl Dixon you might think he's a violent dangerous man. He looks tough and not just rough around the edges, but rough all over. Then when you first talk to him your first impression seems to be right. He has a temper and is violent towards any man that gets in his way. After spending time with Daryl Dixon you might find that he's not what he seems at all. A very difficult childhood can explain the enigma that is Daryl Dixon.

Daryl Dixon has never understood women. He lost his mother when he was 8 and wasn't around many women after that. He grew up with his brother Merle and his father Will. Will didn't do much to raise his sons so Merle pretty much raised Daryl when he wasn't in Juvie or the Marines. Other than that he was on his own which was okay with Daryl. He much preferred to be alone than to get his face bashed in by his old man.

To Merle, when he was around, part of raising Daryl included getting him laid. Daryl was quiet and had never approached a lady in his life. As for Merle, he never met a lady he didn't approach. He got hookers for Daryl a few times like he thought a good brother should. Daryl despised those days. If there was one thing in the world that terrified Daryl it was sex.

Daryl had anxiety attacks whenever he was about to have sex. He could thank his good for nothing father for that. When Daryl was 11 and his mother was long dead, and Merle was in another stint in Juvie, his drunken father started to come to his room at night. Merle didn't know about that. In fact no one alive except Daryl knew about that, and he would keep that secret till the day he died.

Thanks to his father Daryl had to be fall down drunk in order to have sex. He slept with a few of the hookers Merle would get for him, but he never even remembered doing anything with them. If he wasn't drunk enough to not remember anything he would panic and wind up throwing the girls out of his room.

Merle never came out and said anything about Daryl's problems with girls but Daryl always thought Merle knew. Merle took to calling him Darlena more often than not. As long as Merle never brought it up to his face Daryl was fine with being called Darlena or a pussy from time to time. Merle could never know about the abuse he went through when Merle was out of the house.

The thought had crossed Daryl's mind when he was younger cause of the things his daddy did to him at night, but Daryl now knew for sure he was not gay. He had had feelings for women in the past but ignored them and never acted on those feelings.

He saw himself as a fuck up no woman would ever want. He was also terrified of rejection. He figured no one in his life ever wanted him why would a woman be any different? So he learned to ignore his feelings that were few and far between anyways and lived an isolated life following Merle and hunting in the woods. They were often rowdy and drunk and Merle was known to start a fight or two… or ten, but Daryl fell into step behind his brother and accepted that life. He could see them following in their father's footsteps minus the family of course. Just two drunk rednecks living for the next bottle of booze and teenth of meth. They were tough and mean and scary to people on the outside looking in and that was fine by Daryl. To him the scarier you appeared the more likely people would leave you alone, and alone was what Daryl wanted to be it's what he was used to, until the zombie apocalypse that is.

After the dead started walking Daryl became a new man. He became an important part of his group. People looked to him for food and protection and after a while Daryl accepted the job and no matter how hard he tried he couldn't keep the people in his group at arm's length. To be honest Daryl didn't want to keep them at arm's length. For the first time since his mother died he felt affection from other people. Sure he had always felt affection towards Merle but he never got it back and displays of affection were never part of the Dixon brother's lives. This group was different.

Every touch was not in anger. Instead he got pats on the back, or a kiss on the cheek. Daryl knew he was in trouble. People didn't last long in this new world and he had grown attached to all of them.

Daryl still didn't have any romantic feelings for anyone and that was fine by Daryl. In a world like this love would slow you down it would make you weak and vulnerable. Daryl didn't want that. He was fine without it, until Hershel's youngest daughter had barged her way into his heart.

It started innocently enough. She had hugged him after her boyfriend died and that had caused him to flinch, but it was nice. It had been too long since someone hugged him. Daryl kept his distance after that though. Beth was a pretty little thing. Way too young and good for him. She kind of reminded him of his mother if he was honest. His mother was a pretty little thing too with blonde hair, big blue eyes and completely naïve to the ways of the world.

_Daryl didn't like to think on his mother. She had died because of her own stupidity. She was probably drunk and high as usual smoking in bed with a glass of wine. She set the place on fire and burned down to nothing. After that the Dixon boys were worse off than before. Their drunken father drank more and Merle basically lived in Juvie. With their Mama dead their father started beating the only one left in the house… Daryl. _

_His Mama was nice though even if she was a drug addict. She loved him and he loved her. Merle hated her. He would never say a nice thing about her, but one of Daryl's earliest memories was of a young Merle taking a swing at their father after he gave their mother a beating. Merle would usually take the brunt of their fathers rage and Daryl thinks it was to keep their daddy away from their mother and himself. He never asked Merle about it or brought it up. They didn't talk to each other about their childhood. It wasn't a place either would ever willingly want to revisit._

_Although Merle would never admit to loving their mother Daryl would. He didn't know why someone like her would marry a bastard like their father. Up until Daryl was 6 his mother would always hug him and kiss him. Every night she would hold him in her arms and sing him a lullaby or tell him stories. She was so…gentle. He held onto those memories with all he had. They were the only happy memories from his childhood. When Daryl was 7 Merle went to Juvie for the first time. Daddy didn't let up on the beatings and without Merle to take the brunt his Mama was always full of fresh bruises. _

_Daryl could remember watching her sit in his bedroom and cry. Daryl tried to make her stop crying, but every night was the same. Sometimes she would apologize to him and he would just sit there and hug her every night trying to get her to stop crying. He even tried singing to her cause her singing always made him feel better, but Daryl figured his singing wasn't good enough cause she never did stop crying, instead she started to get high and a year later she was dead. She was weak Daryl knew that, but that doesn't mean he didn't love her._

_His mom didn't act much like a mom in her last few months with him, but seeing that bedroom where her bed used to be and where her body was lying just minutes before was hard for Daryl to take. There was no trace of his mother. No sign she even existed. She was just gone._

Now the prison had fallen. The governor had destroyed their home and killed Hershel. Everyone was separated and no one knew who was alive and who was dead. Daryl got out with Beth. He knew they had to find a place to stay for a while because Beth wasn't exactly the best person to have your back during a zombie apocalypse. She was weak and inexperience in fighting walkers. She also wouldn't stop crying. The first few days after getting out of the prison every little thing set her off. Understandably so, she had just seen her daddy get his head cut off and didn't even know if her sister was alive.

Daryl didn't know how to help her. He felt guilty every time he looked at her and so he shut down. He tried to stay emotionally detached like he used to be. If he hadn't cared about these people in the first place he wouldn't feel all this guilt and heartbreak that he does now. He never should have gotten close. He still couldn't leave Beth on her own, so he protected her best he could and provided food and water for her.

Did she thank him for it? No, she just kept getting pissed at him and trying to leave him. No matter how annoyed her little tirades made him he always followed her. She needed him out here and he would not fail her.

She kept going on about how they weren't the only survivors, but Daryl didn't want to believe anyone else could have made it out of the prison for fear of being disappointed later, but Beth had faith the moment they left the prison. She would not give up hope no matter how much he shut her out and told her she was foolish for thinking there could be more survivors.

Her faith had surprised and impressed Daryl.

When she first made the declaration of needing a drink Daryl had thought she had finally snapped and gone crazy, but he followed her and eventually helped her get her damn drink. Alcohol and Dixon's didn't mix well but she made him play some stupid game that got out of hand and caused him to get drunk and do something he swore to himself he would never do. Remind himself of his father.

Daryl had so much anger building up inside him. He exploded on Beth and to his surprise she took it and gave it right back. She didn't cower and run from him she stood up to him and… hugged him. It was like she could read his mind. She knew why he was upset and stood her ground. This scrawny young woman had watched him begin to fall apart and somehow held him together. He was impressed by her and from that moment on he never saw her as weak again.

He apologized later on but she just told him it was okay, but it wasn't. He had grabbed Beth forcefully and told her he would teach her how to shoot a crossbow. He was not gentle as he basically dragged her out of the house and held her to himself as he shot at a zombie. He was sorrier for that than any yelling he did. He had never hit a woman or child in his life, but that was the closest he ever came and it scared him. He made a new promise to himself that he would never drink again.

Burning the cabin down was Beth's idea to help him let go of his past. He knew that, but went along with it and felt surprisingly good as they walked away from the burning cabin.

The next morning he was still feeling guilty about the crossbow incident so he offered to teach her properly. Beth was surprised and happily agreed.

"You sure you don't mind me using your crossbow?" She asked with a teasing smile on her face.

"Na I don't mind." Daryl shrugged it off.

The truth was Beth was the first person he voluntarily handed his crossbow over to. Not even Merle ever got the chance to touch his crossbow.

She was a pretty fast learner. She missed a few squirrels but managed to hit a rabbit. She smiled so bright at that. She quickly swung around to meet Daryl's gaze with a stupid grin on her face. She looked at him expectantly as if she was looking for approval. He had to smile back at her and nod.

"Not bad Greene we'll make a hunter of you yet."

When she realized he was going to make her skin and clean the rabbit she stopped smiling real quick.

"Daryl maybe you should just do it." She said making a disgusted face as she carried the rabbit back to him squeamishly holding the rabbit away from her body.

"Come on now Greene don't go girly on me now. You killed it now you have to learn how to get it ready for eating. No point in killing the damn thing if you can't do this part." Daryl growled at her but not in an angry way. Just in a Daryl way.

"Fine, then show me." Beth said determinedly.

The next few days were strange for Daryl. He had never spent so much time with someone of the opposite sex in his life, and what was strange for him was how much he enjoyed Beth's company.

She was sweet and nice and helpful. Pretty much the complete opposite of how it was when he used to go hunting with Merle.

Daryl could almost feel the armor he spent his life building up crack because of little Beth Greene.

A few days later Beth was already a pretty good shot so Daryl had begun teaching her how to track. She began tracking a walker before too long. Daryl followed close behind to make sure nothing snuck up on her with her gaze firmly in the prints in the dirt.

Daryl shook his head behind her thinking awareness of her surroundings training would have to come later.

When they finally reached the walker he was chowing down on something and didn't hear them approach. He gave Beth a nod and she tried getting a little closer to get a better shot. Out of nowhere Beth let out a yelp of pain and fell to the floor. She got her shot off and damned near hit her mark.

Daryl ran to help and grabbed the crossbow out of her hands. He gave the walker a good blow to the head and ran back to Beth. He slid down next to her to free her ankle as quickly as possible. She stepped in a trap which thankfully wasn't that big and didn't break through her boot.

"Can you move it?" Daryl asked holding her ankle.

"Yeah." Beth said in pain.

"It ain't broken but it'll leave a hell of a bruise. Come on." Daryl said getting to his feet and helping her up.

She seemed okay at first but she eventually had to stop. Daryl gave her a piggy back ride to a funeral home. Daryl never gave anyone a piggyback ride in his life. If Merle could see him now he would laugh his ass off. Daryl could just picture it.

"_Little Darlena gonna have a slumber party with little Beth. Maybe later you can paint each other's nails and do each other's hair." He would say with a shit eating grin on his face. _

Daryl smirked thinking about it when Beth dropped down from his back to stare at a grave stone. She was thinking of Hershel. Daryl knew that. He didn't think twice before bending down and picking these flowers or weeds whatever they were and putting them on the grave stone. He stood next to Beth again who laced her fingers with Daryl. Daryl wasn't surprised by this. Being out here with Beth he came to know she was a touchy feely person. Not in a sexual way but in a nice way. She always put her hand on his arm or gave him a playful nudge with her shoulder. She usually held his hand as she slept. Daryl guessed as piece of mind knowing he was there.

"_Damn it boy did I teach you nothing. The girl is lonely she wants some Dixon love." Merle said in Daryl's head._

Daryl shook his head slightly he tried not to think on Beth that way. She couldn't possibly like him like that. He was a fuck up, too far gone to ever be close to good enough for her. She was young and good and… pure. He was… the opposite.

When Beth was ready she hopped on Daryl's back and they finished their walk to the funeral home. Daryl cleared it out and Beth stood close by the whole way. They found dead walkers with makeup on them to make them look like normal dead bodies. Daryl got the creeps from 'em but leave it to Beth to see the good in everything. She claims it's beautiful but Daryl could only think to himself that she was the only beautiful thing he'd seen for a long time.

After they were sure the house was clear and Beth's ankle was wrapped tightly they decided to look for food.

They found a gold mine in the cupboard. It was full of stuff. Daryl grabbed the jelly jar and dove right in with his fingers.

"Gross" Beth said giving him a disgusted face.

Daryl gave her a smirk and told her the pigs feet were his. She just rolled her eyes at him.

Daryl barricaded the doors and set up noise makers and Beth found a piano in one of the rooms.

Daryl followed the sound of Beth's singing voice to a room with an empty casket and a piano. He stood in the doorway looking at the way her fingers gently ran over the keys and her voice filled the room with warmth. It was… nice.

"O_ooooooh shit Darlena. You've really gone soft on me now. Go grab her and plant one on her. She'll love it. Then have your way with her." Merle said._

Daryl cleared his throat and made himself known. His inner monologue was starting to annoy him.

Beth stopped playing and turned around.

"Place is all nailed up tight. The only way in is through the front door." Daryl said not meeting Beth's eyes as he walked towards the casket.

Daryl wanted to listen to Beth play some more but he didn't want it to seem obvious that that's what he was there for. He hesitated for a second and jumped into the casket.

"What are you doing?" Beth said with a hint of amusement in her voice.

"This is the comfiest bed I've had in years." Daryl said which wasn't a lie, but there were much more comfortable beds upstairs if he was really after a comfy bed.

"Really?" Beth said

"I ain't kiddin." Daryl said as he began to relax.

"Why don't you play some more? Keep singing." Daryl said to Beth.

"I thought my singing annoyed you." Beth said matter of factly.

"There ain't no juke box though." Daryl teased.

Beth smiled and returned to playing.

"_Smooth baby brother. I think you succeeded in making her think you're not interested in her at all." Merles voice rang through Daryl's head. _

Daryl chewed on his fingernail as he watched her sing. She was a very pretty little thing. Far too pretty for him he thought as he looked up at the ceiling and started to drift to sleep to the sound of Beth's voice.


End file.
